As a family medicine doctor, I have the privilege of taking care of patients in all stages of life. I was working a shift recently, where I witnessed the extremes of this intimately. The shift started off very excitedly with the delivery of a baby, and I ended my day with an end-of-life discussion with a fairly young patient with a new diagnosis of cancer. I tend to get attached to my patients and become truly invested in their lives, so I deeply feel the emotions of days like this. I am rejoicing with a new life, and I am heartbroken at the end of one. On this particular shift, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions. Both ends of the spectrum of life, seen in just 12 hours. I wrote the following as a reflection of what it is like to be a family medicine doctor.
The Time Between
I often feel stuck in survival mode. The beginning of one life and the end of another, all in one day. I don’t always remember to take time to think of the time between—between the birthing and dying—it’s the living.
“Congrats, meet your baby girl,” and “I’m sorry, there’s nothing further we can do.” All of that before two in the afternoon. I am part of these major moments, may I not forget the ones that fill the time between. Those are the ones that make up the fibers of our being.
Trust me when I say that when your heart breaks, so does mine. When your heart finds joy, so does mine. However, the time between those two moments for you may be many years apart, whereas for me, I just step across the hall.
I must be equally present for their lows and your highs. It’s often hard, but always an honor. I need to remind myself that I aim not to increase the quantity, but rather increase the quality of the time between.
And at the end of the day, my greatest honor is that I work under the great physician, & it’s only through Him we have complete healing.
He determines our first cry, our last breath.
When there is no more time between, we know through Him, we have eternity.
~Dr. Nak
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